Well, as promised, I am sticking to this blog, despite my three week absence or so. In that time, quite a lot has happened to me, so I guess I’d like to do a little personal summary of some of the thoughts and feelings I’ve been having about life and myself and all of those good things.
Last night, a little past midnight (but I’m on the East Coast for spring break, so it was really only 9 my time), I finished the manuscript for my novel. Well, if you can call it a novel. I reached 73,000 words, a nice, light 294 book pages. It took me a month and a week to complete.
The process was very interesting for me. Writing fiction, it turns out, is barely fictional at all, at least in my experience. Really, almost every little detail is connected to me, somehow, from dunking fries in milkshakes to the names of my characters to their high school to the arcade they end up at one day. The feelings are also overwhelmingly my own, and I guess that makes fiction writing therapeutic, and not in the same way as keeping a jornal (which I did for over two years). It’s different because you can make the characters react to each event in sped-up time, and they can address it however you want them to. Once you write down your problems or feelings in terms of another character, you come to see them objectively, like dealing with the issues of a friend.
Anyway, that’s where I’ve been this past month. Perhaps nothing will come of it, but I feel that finishing a manuscript weeks before my 16th birthday wasn’t a complete waste of time.
That being said, more than ever, I have begun to recognize myself as a hard-lining Type A personality. I’m not one to get particularly worked up over little things or need everything to go my way, but, my goodness, I never, ever relax. For the last month, every waking moment (of which there were far more, because my insomnia has returned) has been spent planning my novel and my extracurricular activities and exercise and diet and homework and all of those lovely things.
When I do try to take a break, whether through the means of television, movies, sitting in the hot tub, et cetera, all I could think for the last month was all the things I should be doing with that time, and how terribly wasted it was. I know objectively that relaxing is not a waste of time at all, because it’s an emotional stabilizer and revitalizer for everything, but I couldn’t help it. I even had a teary phone call with my boyfriend, explaining that I can’t get away from the stress. He told me I just need to find a method of turning my brain off, and when I do, I will get back to you on that.
I said I was possibly depressed in another article recently. Well, I would no longer say that; I believe it was really just heartbreak with a few other things piled on that pushed me over the edge, but heartbreak heals, so everything else isn’t enough to make me anything less than ecstatic to be alive. The heartbreak comes from visiting my boyfriend, who lives a good 3,000 miles away from me, and then returning home with a whole lot of missing. But it gets better, and we still talk, and that’s part of being in long distance. You just have to accept the sadness and learn to look at each opportunity to see them as a gift. My next gift is fast approaching in June.
In two weeks, I will be celebrating my 16th birthday and getting my drivers’ license. That is possibly the most exciting present I will ever receive, courtesy of the California DMV.
So, that is me. That is my life. I actually like this more personal blogging style, and I hope you do, too. Of course, I will continue with my more advice-driven articles, but I would also like to sprinkle these in. After all, we can all learn from each other’s stories almost as much as 101 columns themselves.