I consider myself a creative person; I think most writers do. I love doing art, taking pictures, and making the world around me an aesthetically pleasing place. I want to create, to make words meaningful, and to make the world beautiful. I want to make my life beautiful.
Art and writing are beautiful things, and they make my life have more meaning. They connect my feelings and thoughts with the tangible world and the people around me. However, creativity and idealism are also the source of most of the sadness I’ve been feeling lately.
Creativity and idealism aren’t so far off from each other. To be truly creative and innovative, one must be idealistic to an extent. You must see somewhere in your mind things that don’t exist. You must not only see what is, but what can be. You must reach for perfection in order to make your dreams reality, and must exercise a lot of self discipline.
I am an idealist for sure, and I do not regret it or wish it any other way. I love being able to see the possibilities in the world without being grounded too hard in reality.
The problem is, I feel so much pressure to perform at my full potential and to make creative masterpieces all the time. I see myself as incomplete and imperfect if I am not super successful in a creative way. I have so much creative energy, so many ideas, none of which have materialized.
My idealism makes me think about ideal Avery, the girl who has written bestselling novels, become an amazing photographer, who’s given speeches and been commended as one of the world’s most influential teenagers, all while still being a great student, athlete, girlfriend, daughter, and friend. Possible in reality? No. In my mind? Completely. Ideal Avery is the girl who I’ve been aspiring to be recently, and it’s been sucking the energy out of me. I’ve become a bit antisocial, and I am quite prone to headaches and pains.
I don’t think I’m depressed, per se, but I am certainly in a funk. I’ve been too focused on the creative success I “should” be having, and not enough on the things I enjoy in the moment. So instead I spend a lot of time being sad and crying and not knowing quite why.
I think the best solution must be to push myself to do things I used to enjoy in the moment, and to be social again. At least, that’s what I’ve read. Maybe I will not be able to blog as much because the whole Views thing goes to my head. However, I would like to discuss how I get out of this funk, and how I turn down my thoughts about ideal Avery. I know millions of people go through this, and perhaps some of you have too. What would you say? How do you stop feeling depressed before you truly become depressed?
I will be ok, for sure, and I am not worried. I just need to figure out how to take better care of myself and how to change my mindset. I will let you all know how that goes, and how to do it yourselves if you too are in a funk. Until then, I must remember, it’s a beautiful world, and I’m ok just as I am. So are you.