Sorry for my semi-long absence. I was in New York City, capital of the world to us Americans, at a Model UN conference at Columbia University (basically my dream school as of late). It was an amazing experience, but it also stressed me out a whole lot to be on the campus of my potential future home.
From ages 0-17, we are children. We grow by leaps and bounds during this period from infancy to adolescence, from little creatures incapable of speech and thought to nearly our fully developed selves. And yet our lives don’t change all that drastically; I still live with my parents and siblings, and though I’ve moved, my life has maintained a steady track in terms of responsibility and independence.
At Columbia, I had a few moments of utter panic. I’m usually quite excited for the prospect of college, but at the same time, it’s a scary thought to imagine a future on my own. There’s a whole huge world out there, and I’m just one small person in it. To venture out, without the guidance of anyone I know around me, is a little bit overwhelming. And I’m sure I’ll love it, but it’s a big step. As I’ve heard many times as a teenager, my life officially starts the moment I step out of my house and begin to determine my own future.
And it’s a beautiful thought, too. I’m ready to be out there taking on the world on my own terms. I’m ready to gain the wisdom I can’t have without experience. I try to share as much as I’ve learned so far on this blog about life, but the truth is, I’m lacking the experience to back up a lot of it. I know that living outside my home will push me to grow in incredible ways, and I’m getting ready to move out, away, and forward.
For most of you, this happened a long time ago. You separated from your parents and live alone or with someone other than family. It may seem normal to you now, but try to imagine back to the days before you knew what it was like to be free to rule your own life. Was the thought of moving on terrifying or beautiful? For me, it’s somewhere in between.
This entry doesn’t have much point except to explain how I’ve been feeling lately. A bit overwhelmed about my future. I guess you can all attest to the fact that I’ll be okay and adjust. I think these feelings are a big part of the separation; first come fear and anticipation. What’s it like afterwards? To be alone and free to do as you please? To finally begin Stage 2 of human life?
I guess I’ll find out sooner than I think.